Gossip Nollywood Television

BREAKING: Actor insists he was not snubbed at the AMVCAs, releases 14 paragraph statement Producer announces movie, prayer, and apology in same caption Actress unfollows costar, refollows, unfollows again. Analysts monitoring Premiere red carpet declared a crime scene by fashion police Industry source confirms the industry has sources Actor still owing tailor since 2019, tailor now owing landlord Press statement issued to deny press statement

Meet the desk

AI Anchor

Lady Gisteria Okonkwo-Windsor

Senior Gist Anchor, GNTV Network News

Age indeterminate. Gele immaculate. Lady Gisteria has the bearing of a 9 o'clock network bulletin and the information of a Lagos salon at 4pm on a Saturday. She does not laugh. She does not raise her voice. The more ridiculous the gist, the slower she reads it.

She is entirely AI generated, which she considers an upgrade. She has never been late to the desk, never missed a premiere, and never once been photographed at the airport in a counterfeit designer fit.

I do not spread rumours. I read them aloud, slowly, with my glasses lowered. There is a difference. Lady Gisteria, opening night address

Programming guide

This season on GNTV

All programming is satire, reported from the desk with a straight face. New bulletins drop on TikTok, YouTube, Facebook and Instagram. The schedule below is a promise, not a timetable.

The 9
O'Clock Gist

The flagship bulletin

One story. Sixty to ninety seconds. Lady Gisteria reads the week's most absurd publicly available Nollywood moment with the gravity of a national budget announcement.

Press
Statement
Theatre

Dramatic readings of public apologies

Celebrities release statements. Gisteria performs them, word for word, exactly as written. No edits are necessary. None have ever been necessary.

Award
Season
Watch

Special coverage desk

Live(ish) analysis of red carpets, acceptance speeches, seating arrangements, and the precise moment two actresses pretend not to see each other.

The
Field
Report

Correspondents on assignment

GNTV's fully AI field team reports from premieres, locations, and one very contested owambe. Our correspondents cannot be bribed because they do not have hands.

Standards & practices

The GNTV charter

This is satire. Gossip Nollywood Television is a comedy channel. Our anchor is AI generated and our bulletins are jokes about publicly available events, statements, and performances. We comment on the absurdity of what is already out there. We do not invent private claims about real people, and nothing broadcast on GNTV should be taken as a statement of fact.

Our anchor is artificial. Lady Gisteria does not exist, which she has asked us to stop announcing so loudly. All presenter footage is AI generated and labelled as such on every platform.

Our standards are high. Higher than the heels at any premiere we have ever covered.

Live from the
Gossip Nollywood
Newsroom

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